When No One Gives A Shit About Your Birthday… Including You

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Late December is a crap time to have a birthday. Being born at the end of the year is like being the last man standing at the ass-end of a m assive org y: everyone is already spent, satisfied and passed out in a corner somewhere. No one is really interested in getting off with you – and frankly – you feel a bit sheepish asking because you can tell they’re not in the mood.

Case in point: I started writing this at the end of last year, but I couldn’t be bothered finishing it until now, because “meh”. All of the following reasons apply to me too, and I somehow manage to be even less excited about my own birthday than the people around me. I’m totally cool with it though – I’ve had a long time to get used to it.

Here’s why it’s hard to care about late-December birthdays:

  1. Everyone is broke

Let’s face it: Christmas is expensive. Everyone has just blown their financial load on a whole bunch of shit they don’t need and cash flow is tight. The last thing anyone wants to do in the last week of the year is to dig into already empty pockets for birthday presents, dinners or drinks. Plus, they still have New Years Eve to get through.

  1. Everyone is exhausted

Christmas is a tiring time of year. There is a massive month long build-up of celebration and preparation to get through (and it’s the end of the year to boot), so everyone is totally spent. Christmas is no longer just a one-day event and it often spills over into Boxing Day and beyond. People are tired. So tired. As much as they’d love to get excited about your birthday…. they are just. so. very. tired.

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  1. No one is in the mood for another party

December is the Latin term for “fuckload of festive over-indulgence”. It’s four weeks of parties, social commitments, christmas events, shopping and splurging in an org y of rampant consumerism. Frankly, most people give less than zero fucks about your late December birthday – not because they’re assholes, but because it’s hard to muster enthusiasm for yet another celebration on an already crowded social calendar (as an introvert myself I am always on the verge of self-imploding at this time of year).

  1. They forget about you

People simply forget your late-December birthday because that last week is a total blur. I mean hell, my partner of 15 years is the furthest thing from an asshole, but even he gets the date of my birthday wrong every year. This year he rushed out to the supermarket in a mad panic on Boxing Day because he thought my birthday was the next day, and all of the other shops were shut. It wasn’t. Two days later I eagerly unwrapped a random assortment of “presents” that all came from the grocery store.

  1. They are away on holidays

Lots of people don’t give a shit about your late December birthday because they are busy sipping sexually-charged cocktails on the beach at Bali or slapping down the plastic in opulent mega malls at Dubai. People often leave for holidays after Christmas, so celebrating the day your head emerged from the nether regions of your mother’s torso is fairly low on their priority list of things to do, particularly if they are face down on a massage table in the Maldives.

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  1. They are already thinking about next year

People are very quick to write the entire year off as soon as the last Christmas presents have been unwrapped and crushing yuletide hangovers have faded into affectionate remorse. People start eulogising the year that was and willing the next one to begin: cue the predictable chorus of “OMG I AM SO FUCKING OVER THIS YEAR IT WAS SO AWFUL BRING ON TWO THOUSAND AND WHATEVER”

Hey, assholes, this year ain’t over yet. Some people still have shit to celebrate.

  1. They are saving themselves for New Years Eve

People relish their much-needed downtime after Christmas, and spend that last week gearing themselves up for one last big celebration on NYE, as the calendar clicks over to the next year. Those of us born in that last week of December are a weary inconvenience: an annoying social speed bump on the way to New Years Eve. I can’t say I’m in the right headspace for yet another party either, so I really don’t blame them.

All of that aside I feel even more sorry for anyone born on January 1st: people don’t give a shit AND they’re hungover. That’s gotta suck.


81 thoughts on “When No One Gives A Shit About Your Birthday… Including You

  1. I gave a shit about your birthday. I posted a shirtless pic of Kit Harrington on your Facebook, along with many other cougars who had posted hunk memes. Then some guy made a derisive comment about us objectifying dudes. We all cared so much about your birthday that we stirred the patriarchy. Yay!

  2. Happy belated birthday. I was going to post on your FB wall but I didn’t have a cool enough meme. I have a few friends who have birthdays in the lull and they all agree it sucks.

  3. I celebrated 6 birthdays between Christmas and New Year this (last?) year, including my husband’s. 7 if I count yours 🙂 I ate a slice of each of 4 separate cakes. I also managed to forget to pack my husband’s birthday present when we went away on Boxing Day… so he got it for NYE instead! We do A LOT of caring about late December birthdays around here!

  4. Bahahaha, my best friend from high school had his birthday on January 1st. I don’t think he was super-impressed that we always wanted to combine his birthday with NYE, I’m sure he would feel your pain! Still, I guess having your birthday between Christmas and New Year still has to be better than it being ON Christmas Day, imagine how those poor bastards feel!

    • Yeah, that would be hard!! One the other hand though at least you have everyone together a lot of the time and don’t need to plan a party. My MIL always does a birthday cake for me whenever she hosts on Christmas Day. It’s really lovely and I appreciate it a lot.

  5. Happy birthday! FB and me aren’t birthday friends. I used to get in trouble all the time for missing people’s birthdays. Now I ignore them on purpose and get in even more trouble. THE PLAN MADE SENSE WHEN I THOUGHT OF IT. HONEST.
    I couldn’t read this whole post. I had laugh-tears in my eyes after the opening visual and couldn’t see through them. And then you went and threw the word ‘orgy’ in there somewhere else. Again. GONE.

    • Oh that’s cool. I actually don’t have my birthday on there because I don’t want people to make a fuss but one of my friends always let’s it slip. Buggers. LOL. I’m glad you appreciated the orgy analogy. It got really crass there for a while and I had to reel it back in. Was a fun one to riff on….

    • It was definitely the highlight. My husband was looking over my shoulder at one point and he was all “Why are people posting pictures of semi-naked men all over your Facebook?” BAHAHHAHAHAHHA!

  6. Happy Belated Birthday!! I’d have given a shit had I known! I have a friend whose birthday is on Christmas Day. I posted a Happy Birthday wish on his FB page with a quirky and appropriate to him birthday card piccy and not one mention of Christmas. I had never thought of someone having a birthday on New Years Day – um yep that would stink too! I’m one of those lucky ones who has a birthday mid-year 😉

    • Oh you have the Holy Grail of birthdays! I remember when I was young I used to wistfully dream that I had a mid-year birthday, far away from all the other events that people typically celebrate. I really did. A lot. LOL.

  7. I went to school with a boy who had a late December birthday and he just flat out changed it to late June. He had a party every year and most of his friends didn’t even know it wasn’t his real birthday.
    Fucking brilliant really – he still got bday presents from his family for his real birthday, then celebrated again 6 months later with his mates!

  8. As you know in a post I recently wrote, I don’t envy December or January Birthdays. I have a hard time remembering best friends Birthday that’s in January too. If I was you, I’d be booking myself a holiday each year to celebrate all occasions. Alternatively, I’d hold a party a month after your Birthday when everyone has recovered… actually sorry, you can’t party then because of Back to School expenses and Australia Day. Damn, it’s such a hard time of year to celebrate. Happy Belated Birthday gorgeous. Wishing you a fabulous year, despite the non-event Birthday. xx

    • Yes – I saw that post and loved it! Strangely enough I am more than OK with it now but it was quite tough as a kid, I have to admit. I always envied those school mates who got to celebrate during the school year when everyone was around to make a fuss of them!

  9. Happy belated birthday – maybe you need to start a mid-year birthday tradition kind of like Christmas in July – you could celebrate the extra half year you’ve had. But truly it must suck you poor thing (says she who is lucky to have a birthday in July).

    • LOL unfortunately there was no alcohol involved, but there were several chocolate bars slipped in there. That makes up for a lot. Still can’t believe he gets my birth date wrong after 15 years though. Silly bugger. LOL.

  10. Happy Birthday lovely! I can promise you that I had a drink or two that I will now claim were in your honour 🙂 My step daughters birthday is the 19th of December, as a parent I find it so difficult to find gifts for her for both. I love the idea of celebrating her birthday in say July and then another celebration in December. What a treat!

  11. Happy Happy Birthday! You could just totally write a post like this every year and get tons of attention, it would be awesome 😉 My friend had her baby on Christmas Eve which would suck too because who’s not manically busy on Christmas Eve trying to get ready for Christmas?! I’m glad my son came early on the 6th December, I’m in a birth group with a whole bunch of December and early Jan babies and these sorts of conversations come up every year! Hope you had a good one regardless!

    • Thanks Haidee – it was lovely, actually. Just a nice quiet day like any other! 6th of December will be nice for your little boy because he’ll get to celebrate with all his friends before school ends for the year.

  12. My MIL’s is on January the 8th and she hates that! Everyone is just back to normal from socialising, and no one wants to start again!
    Why don’t you just pick a random day in the year to celebrate your birthday? Sometime in August or something when no one has anything to do. Make it the month of Hugzilla! 🙂

  13. Yep. Mine’s December 28. When I was young my parents were pretty good about ALWAYS giving me separate presents, but now I’m older I don’t mind the joint-present thing as it allows me to get bigger pressies.

    As for me, I’m single… so my mother visited and stayed overnight so I awoke to presents (all from her). I don’t exchange pressies with girlfriends now so the only presents I do get are from my mum. God knows how weird it will be when she’s gone.

    We did go out to dinner with my local bestie though and she gave me a pressie. (And an old bestie surprised me with a visit the next day as she was passing through.)

    So it wasn’t all #meh.

  14. haha loved this: “Two days later I eagerly unwrapped a random assortment of “presents” that all came from the grocery store.” It had my 4 year old angrily asking me “WHAT are you laughing at?”. Sticky beak of a kid.

    My aunty is born on 1 Jan and I always feel sorry for her. Anything between 25 Dec and 1 Jan just blows. But you know what is worse than a late Dec b’day? A late Dec fucking wedding. What is wrong with those people???? What are they thinking? I even heard of a NYE wedding one year. WTF?? At least it sorted the new years plans I guess and they got to get tanked for free.

  15. Happy Belated Birthday lovely lady. I don’t even know what the days are between Christmas and new year my brain always seems to shut down (more than usual) and always remember my best friends a day late (she is the 28th too!) My FIL is Christmas Eve but that is always celebrated with the Christmas ham so we can’t forget that one!

  16. If you have a party this year, I’ll totally come. With a pressie as well! 🙂

    I’m a January baby so I kinda get it — everyone’s still in holiday mode then. I have a friend whose birthday is on 31st Dec and another who has his on 1st Jan. I do feel for them. Especially when they were kids.

    Oh…and here’s one great thing about your birthday — birthday presents can be bought in boxing day sales! Bargain! 😀

  17. I forgot a friend’s birthday once. Hers is on the 6th of January. Not a good move for me. Not a good move. I have it written on my hand and virtually everywhere so I won’t forget tomorrow. December and January babies are very sensitive about these things 😉 Happy belated birthday to you. I’d party with you anytime!

  18. Happy birthday a bit late. I vote for picking a different date to celebrate. Like kids birthday parties are almost never at their actual birthday. My oldest is July 1 which is always school holidays so we wait til school goes back and usually it is 3 weeks late but it makes it the birthday that keeps on giving xx

  19. OMG, that opening paragraph. The imagery is just so perfect. That’s the saddest and most hilarious thing I’ve read in ages!

  20. Hey fellow Capricorn! I’m just before Christmas so I totally get it. My favourite are the dual Christmas/birthday cards…

    • CAPRICORNS RULE. And urgh. Those cards. It used to be more of a thing back in the day but no one really seems to bother with cards any more, so it’s kind of dropped off the radar here.

  21. Ben’s birthday is Christmas Eve, which sux ballz, but I actually think you win the ball-sucking birthday award. Ten points to your husband for trying. Happy birthday Huggzy, next year I’ll remember (probably not) xx

  22. My wife is born on Christmas day and she hates it. She says she has nevervhad a special birthday in her whole life. This year i am taking her to europe for her birthday

  23. This is what my son has to look forward to lol! We had him on the 30th (as in he’s 11 days old). You’re right that everyone is away on holidays and we haven’t has as many visitors as with our first child… I was just relieved to not go into labor on Xmas day!!

    • OOOOOOOHHHHH!!! Congratulations on your little man! He has my sympathies, but that makes him a Capricorn, which is the best star sign in the horoscope. And that’s not me being biased. I bet there is MOUNTAINS of hard scientific data to support my hypothesis. Enjoy those gorgeous newborn cuddles, and hope you are doing well too x

  24. I agree it sucks for you! Not much good about a December bday except the weather is nice! As an August baby I always hated my bday being in winter growing up as I could never have a party outdoors.

  25. AARGH no! I give a shit! Really I do! Well not about your birthday (jokes) but about my youngest’s … which is january 8th. I just wrote a frigging post about it to to try and alleviate my mummy guilt at always not-forgetting-it-per-se-but-letting-it-kinda-sneak-up-on-me-for-5-years-straight… 😦

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