The Hugzilla Cake-Reveal Controversy: Am I A Cheater?

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 8.18.40 pm

You may have noticed the conspicuous lack of updates about the Dora the Explorer-themed cake I made for my three year old, and it’s not for lack of people hounding me about it, let me tell you.

I’ve not fielded this many annoying messages since I was in labour with my first-born and my mother kept calling the delivery suite until I roared “TELL HER I’M TRYING TO PUSH THIS FUCKING BABY OUT!” in the midst of a rage-fuelled contraction at the end of a very protracted second-stage.

I know you are all excited to see this thing, and I’m sorry it’s taking so long.

There is some controversy, you see.

Doubts have been raised as to the paternity of this cake.

Cuidado!

To keep things brief, the lack of updates are because I have been accused of cheating, and certain disgruntled factions are bizarrely insisting that the cake be disqualified from, errr…. the ONE-person NON-competition I run on Hugzilla every year.

These same people are also insisting I make ANOTHER one, which is utterly absurd given that it cost me close to $50, tasted like playdoh-covered turd and was a complete waste of time and money.

There will be no do-over. This is MY cake, haters.

Maybe I need to back up a little bit for those of you playing along at home; no doubt wondering what kind of ridiculous little Jerry-Springer-style drama you’ve stumbled into here.

Vamonos!

MAKING THE CAKE

I cooked the slab, and it was the closest thing you will ever see to perfection outside of the Masterchef kitchen. It was three chocolate packet-cake mixes, cooked in what turned out to be a baking tray instead of a cake tin. I’m not good with kitchen hardware, obviously.

Thankfully, the fact it had a large depression in the centre did nothing to spoil the perfection of this thing. It slid out of the pan like butter, totally intact and with none of the explosive characteristics my cakes are usually celebrated for.

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 8.08.31 pm

I left it to cool on the bench before decorating it. I say it was so “the cake could cool down” but I really wanted to keep walking past and admiring it for a couple of hours in case I never got the chance to see the likes of this again.

And then a friend came over for coffee.

It was all a bit of a blur after that. I’m not going to say that she decorated the whole thing while I stood around having one cup of tea after another, but she basically decorated the whole thing while I stood around having one cup of tea after another.

To be fair, I distinctly remember opening a packet of pink fondant and I also had the werewithal to locate the rolling pin.

She Together we came up with a cake that my three year old was immediately able to identify with only a tiny bit of prompting:

Hugzilla: Do you know who this is?

Fannel: No.

Hugzilla: Is it a cartoon character?

Fannel: No.

Hugzilla: Is it from Dora the Explorer?

Fannel: No.

Hugzilla: (sighs) Is it Backpack?

Fannel: No.

Hugzilla: (grits teeth) YES. It IS. It’s BACKPACK.

Fannel: (looks unconvinced) OK Mummy.

THE CAKE REVEAL

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 8.12.07 pm

For the record, it was my executive decision to do away with the side pockets and the map, thinking they were unimportant in the grand scheme of things. It is only now – seeing them side by side – that I realise that without the pockets it looks like a Pac-Man ghost instead of a backpack. Maybe my kid had a point after all.

THE END RESULT

So there you have it. As to the question of whether I cheated, it kind of crosses the same dubious moral line that gets fuzzy when your mum takes over and does your school projects for you.

You get an A+.

Everyone thinks you are a genius.

THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS.

Screen Shot 2015-05-18 at 7.55.06 pm

We did it!

We did it!

We did it!

Yay!


Lo hicimos!


We did it!

Advertisements

84 thoughts on “The Hugzilla Cake-Reveal Controversy: Am I A Cheater?

  1. You worked smarter not harder. No cheating there. Does it look like the target? Yes it does. Does it matter what the kids think really? Nope. They’ve forgotten two minutes afterwards. You did it, you did it! Yay!

  2. You crack me up!! Love everything about this post from start to finish! (On a random side note, I knew my daughter was done with Dora when she asked, “why does she stand there waiting for everyone else to help her find stuff? What exactly is wrong with her own eyes?!”)

  3. You totally nailed the mouth. And that’s all I have to say about that.

    There is a reason I keep certain people in my life and it has nothing to do with their friendship qualities and EVERYTHING to do with the quality of their baked goods. It’s easy to make a shit cake (believe me, like you, I know!) but not so easy to convince friends to make one for you without them even realising!

  4. Having your cake sliding out of the pan like butter – that’s talent! Plus you got to drink tea and catch up with a friend who shared in the fun – double points. That’s one cute Backpack/PacMan Ghost which you should be happy with – you’re putting too much pressure on yourself Zilla. Anyhoo – Vamonos! Show me the meat cake!!!

  5. I don’t think the original looks like a backpack to be honest. I think the end result was great. It looked the same to me. I’d also like to Know what the difference between cake mix and doing it from scratch is. Not much I don’t think. You didn’t cheat. You were in the room weren’t you?

  6. I think it looks EXACTLY like backpack. But for future, make any old cake, stick plastic toys on the top – the kids are so excited about the toys that they get to keep, the other kids are jealous that on top of presents the birthday child gets EXTRA toys, and it looks like you give a sh&t, even when you’d rather just buy a cake from somewhere else….so WINS all round!

  7. Well as you know I have generously and selflessly taken it upon myself to judge this competition every year. And while I still demand a re-bake, the fact that the fondant on this cake is more brown than purple AND it doesn’t have pockets makes it look not a little bit like a folded turd with a face. So I grade you a C-. Your honesty dragged you out of your original D grade. Well done.

    • YES!!!! I was always going to be happy with anything above an “F”, so my relief is palpable. We still have the meat cake next week. I’m gunning for an “A” on that one, given it’s playing to my strengths.

  8. I think using the baking tray as a cake tin is genius so full marks for your inventiveness and then great team effort in decorating it. I’ve made some scary looking Dolly Varden cakes in my time – the cakes are long gone but the legless Barbies keep reappearing!

  9. Cheated? Bah! I would have just bought the bloody thing and that’s cheating! Though it does look like a pacman thingy. Perhaps it’s just the black-instead-of-yellow eyebrows?!

  10. Great job! It’s not cheating if it came out of your own oven. Even if you have to whack a bought cake in that oven and turn it one for 2 minutes, that’s not cheating either. Whatever gets the bloody cake made and somewhat recognisable. x

  11. Not cheating. Just teamwork here! And omg I was so happy when we left dora behind. A brief dance with annoying orange has been the only real to torture for me in years.

  12. Giggle 🙂 love your work. I am paying someone else to make my 3 year olds cake (and I’m not paying for the $190 version that I first enquired after -wtf? Do people pay this for 3 year olds cakes?!)
    Anyway, you made the best tasting part, right?

    • LOL!! I still have some in my freezer (that cake was HUGE!). Maybe I’ll serve it up to them after it’s been cryogenically frozen for a few years… REVENGE-CAKE IS A DISH BEST SERVED FROZEN.

  13. Love it, and delegation (or bribery of a friend with cups of tea and who knows what else) is part of being a good bakery manager or executive sous chef (whichever you prefer). Well done you.

  14. Love your work lady. You could start your own cake hack show. Your supervisory skills no doubt got that cake to where it is today. Claim that shit. No cheating at all, and you could almost start an anti-cake tin revolution I’m thinking. An expose on the rort that is bakeware next perhaps? You crack me up. xx

  15. Doesn’t it make you cry how much fondant costs. You should see the Dorothy the Dinosaur cake I made. It is freaking huge. Almost bigger than my two year old. I think back pack looks awesome. You started it off well. You can’t do anything without a good base. Great timing with your friend coming over. I think it’s a good idea to keep her around for all cake making exercises.

  16. insisting that the cake be disqualified from, errr…. the ONE-person NON-competition I run on Hugzilla every year.

    I laughed so hard at this. Who are these weirdos? Your job was to get the cake made in your kitchen. You baked it and bought the ingredients. How were you to know that the cake fairy would appear???? And no offence but it’s not like she did a PERFRCT job 😉

    I agree…looks more like a pacman ghost lol but nice try.

  17. I think it looks awesome!!! I have entered some stupid arrangement where I make my niece and nephews cakes every year. Each year the requests get more out there… This year it is a star wars cake with transformers. Aunty ash might need to retire.

  18. It’s cake month in our house for my soon-to-be-two toddler. He isn’t in to sweet stuff at all but he does love schnitzel. I’m thinking one of Hugzilla’s cakes’ may be in order …

  19. As builder hubby would say, the foundation is everything. It’s your cake. And you nailed it. Bravo!
    (AND CONGRATS ON THE KIDSPOT TOP 100 THING. I STARTED THIS IN CAPS ON PURPOSE AND NOW IT’S STUCK. SORRY I’M YELLING. CAPS MEANS THAT LOOKS SARCASTIC. I LOVE YOU. NOT SARCASTIC.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s