Hugzilla Vs One Direction: Frequently Asked Questions

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I have a confession to make.

I am going to the One Direction concert tomorrow night.

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CALM YOUR TITS, EVERYONE!

CALM. YOUR. TITS.

This is not a joke. I really am going.

I’ve put together this brief Q & A to answer some of the most common questions I have encountered in relation to this decision.

HUGZILLA vs 1D: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

How old are you?

I am 38 years old.

Are you a One Direction fan?

No, I do not consider myself to be a One Direction fan. If pressed, I would place myself in the category of “mildly-appreciative onlooker”.

Do you enjoy their music?

Yes, I find myself enjoying the odd tune of theirs. I find it vastly superior to a lot of the fanny-rubbing caterwauling that passes for popular music these days.

Did you pay actual money for this?

No, I did not pay for the ticket. My sister-in-law paid, and I’m pretty sure it’s her way of getting me back for the hack-job review I did of her daughters’ end of year dance recital, where I came to the eminently sensible conclusion that root canal was a vastly more enjoyable experience than kids’ dance concerts. (I wrote about it here on Woogsworld, in case you missed it).

This is her revenge. This is my penance.

Do you have a favourite 1D member?

No, I do not have a favourite, but if I did I think it would be Zayn. I watched the One Direction “This is Us” documentary the other day and he kind of seemed like he didn’t want to be there. I can relate to that feeling.

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Why are you doing this? WHY?!

I jumped at the chance to have a night away from the kids. Shoot me. This is the soul-destroying reality of being a parent, when the prospect of standing in a stadium for two hours with 40 000 squealing teenagers whilst sustaining permanent hearing loss sounds like a pretty good Saturday night.

What are you wearing?

The paint is still drying on the custom-screen print I did of the 1D logo on a hot pink bum bag.

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I’m also packing two sets of these babies.

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Are you ashamed of yourself?

Yes. My 16 year old self would punch me in the face if she knew about this.

Dude, what HAPPENED to you?

I don’t know. I guess “children” happened to me.

I read “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf when I was 16. I discovered Bikini Kill and riot grrrl feminist punk. I wrote zines. I made mix-tapes scattered with maudlin Belle & Sebastian ballads and ear-shredding missives by Big Black. I bought lo-fi indie records on vinyl. I did an internship at 2SER community radio. I used to chain smoke Marlboro Lights in grungy cafes and talk about post-structuralism for hours. I maxed out the indie-snob richter-scale when I was interviewed by Alison Galloway from Smudge for a job at Waterfront Records. I used to read the plays of fucking Chekhov.

I was a total WANKER. But I had a social life. And good taste in music.

Fast forward twenty years: I am 38 years old, I have two kids and I’m going to the One Direction concert on a Saturday night for kicks.

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Stay tuned for my forthcoming review of the concert, right here on Hugzilla blog. I really wish I could Live Tweet it, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be the only person in the 40 000-strong crowd that doesn’t have a smart phone.

At least one thing about me hasn’t changed in 20 years.

My mobile phone.

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50 thoughts on “Hugzilla Vs One Direction: Frequently Asked Questions

    • Thermo lovers, Offspring devotees, Gingerbread house makers and now One Directioners…. you’re a brave soul my friend.

      • Soooo, how did it go? Are you totally smitten now? Are you going to tattoo I Heart Zayne on your lower back????? (Zayne is the one with the bum fluff mo in the pic above right? And what’s the name of the one on the far right. He looks like he’ll be good looking when he grows up. Which one is the one all the girls love? Niall? Is he the blonde one? Or is that Harry? They are the only names I know)

  1. Love the fanny pack 😉 Not looking forward to my turn attending whoever the next One Direction is down the track. Right now my preschooler is obsessed with Katy Perry – at least that one we can enjoy together!

  2. I’m going to the 1D concert in Brisbane on Wednesday night. In a moment of weakness we bought our 10 year old daughter tickets as a surprise and unfortunately I lost the intense paper, scissor, rock off comp between Scott & I to decide who would take her. I guess it could be worse…I could be going to a thermomix demo 😉

    • LOLOLOLOL!! Free food at the Thermo demo though… It’s a tough call. Scotto definitely dodged the bullet there, but there’s no law that says you can’t try every underhanded tactic you can think of to try and get out of it.

  3. Wow. Just wow. I did not see this one coming. At least you redeemed yourself by including a gif from Community. I can’t wait for your review of the show. I worked for a major label for a few years and was made to go to every concert that came to town. There were some brilliant artists and also some god-awful ones. I did learn to appreciate all different types of music (except for “both types” – country and western) and I must admit that some of what I considered the more questionable acts did surprise me with an enjoyable show. I’m hoping that this will be the case for you. Music is such a personal thing. As long as you enjoy it – who cares what anyone else thinks? As long as you can hear the concert above all the screaming. God speed Zilla!

    • What can I say, I’m full of surprises!! That sounds like a super-cool job though, seriously. I’m not a traditional country and western fan (way too many rednecks and tractors) but I do LOVE alt-country. Lots of my favourite artists play in that genre. I’ve never been to a “teeny-bopper” concert before, so that should make for some interesting sociological observations I imagine.

      • I can do alt-country, just not the redneck stuff! It was a super-cool job as I was straight out of uni and got to meet some pretty cool people (plus a few dicks) but after a few years decided I needed to get a grown-up job that paid well in something other than CDs and free concert tickets 🙂 If I lived on your side of the country I’d give you my smart phone just so you could live tweet the experience – I’d happily sit on the couch with a bottle of wine and laugh my ass off. Hope you have a blast!

  4. I trump your 1D concert by surviving a Justin Beiber concert AND I gave away my only earplugs to the poor suffering man in front of me who obviously lost his paper, rock, scissors contest with his wife destined to die a slow painful ear piercing death from insane screaming teenage girls… at least that’s what the look on his face said until I tapped him on the shoulder and unfolded my hand offering the unopened sachet of earplugs.He looked at me like I had just plucked a thousand cactus needles from his butt… image of relief right there. 😉

  5. See… there lies the difference. I read The Female Eunuch when I was 12. My mother had it beside Valley of the Dolls on her bedside table, which I also read at the age of 12. We are sisters out of time Hugzy. I love Hazza. How could you possibly love someone who spells his name Zayn???? That is so like…derrrr.

  6. Jesus H. Christ. I think it’s the before and after photo that did me the real damage. Again, you have surpassed all of my expectations and come up with even more compelling arguments to support my case against having children.

  7. OMG this is awesome, what fantastic payback from your sis-in-law!!!

    Can’t wait for the post-show review, although you might need to point out which one is which to me… I only know the one with the hair.

  8. This is fantastic, I love it! What a bunch of cuties these boys are. Bet they put on a good show and everything. I could think of so much worse to be seeing in concert. My husband has been told he looks like the blonde one!! Only a much older, has-drunk-too-much-over-the-years version……. Have a great night and get a t-shirt!!!

  9. Ha ha! Love it. I have young daughters who are IIIIN LOOOOOVE with 1D, but slightly too young for me to let them go to the concert without me. So, they’re not going, obviously. I did watch the documentary too though and I just felt all motherly! Zayn bought his mum a house…sniff! They seem like nice young men. Hope you have a great night 🙂

  10. I assumed you were being dragged kicking and screaming BY your kids, not trying to get away from them! Surely there are other things you could do. You mentioned a root canal….?

  11. This is fucking hilarious. I just laughed out-loud reading this while I should be in the kitchen helping my husband feed our child dinner. But seriously, he has two hands and all he has to do is defrost the goddamn risotto which I cooked. It’s not that hard. I’ll just have a bigger mess to clean up now. I hope you enjoyed your night out and I can totally relate. Personally though I would probably ditch the 1D concert and take a nap in the car.

    • Bahahahahahhaha! I absolutely LOVED it! The whole time I was writing my review of the concert I was listening to their stuff on You Tube. I was so impressed that they could actually sing well live, and it totally makes sense to me now because they all started off in a show where you had to be able to sing well live. I went in with low expectations and was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.

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