The Hugzilla Obituary: A Fuckable Life

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Melissa Hugzilla – author of satirical parenting blog Hugzilla – was a charmer.

Plain of feature and loud of mouth, she was no Tara Moss but still fuckable enough on a good day.

In one interview she said “I’ve never been into clothes or figure, but since giving birth my body is worse for wear. My tits sag and my ass droops and my belly looks like an uncooked mound of baker’s dough. Despite all that, I’ve never had any trouble attracting the opposite sex. Some men will fuck anything”.

Hugzilla will always be remembered as the sole inventor of the chicken schitzel cake; overcoming a complete absence of culinary skills at birth to become a ground-breaking pioneer of the meat-cake genre.

Whilst her writing career was somewhat less than notable, she made up for a complete lack of talent with a recurring series of tired in-jokes about bum bags and the occasional think-piece about vaginas or kitchen appliances.

 *****

RIP Colleen McCullough.

You deserved better than that breathtaking example of #everydaysexism to commemorate your incredible life and to reflect on your legacy.

For anyone who missed it today, here was the way squillion-selling author Colleen McCullough was remembered in the obituary section of The Australian.

Plain-looking fat chick. Wrote a few books.

Sometimes there aren’t enough “fuck you”s in the world…

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50 thoughts on “The Hugzilla Obituary: A Fuckable Life

  1. I still really don’t know how to feel about this obituary. I read it. I was initially horrified. Then I wondered if it was written by someone who knew her very well and it was all a bit tongue in cheek – like Colleen might have been in on the joke if she read it herself. Could you see who wrote it? I hunted for a name or byline in the online copy but couldn’t see one. After the first paragraph or so it sounded far more reasonable and quite in depth. Call me a bit pollyanna (you wouldn’t be the first) but I do wonder whether something more will come of this… x

    • Just did a Google search on the matter and Crikey is also asking who wrote it. They’ve put the question to The Australian. I’m keen to see the answer….

      • Apparently the bloke who wrote it is dead now. And he wrote this obit years ago.
        I too am trying to rationalise this by hoping it was an in-joke or something. I’ve heard a lot of people say this sounds like something she would have written herself. I really really hope so. Because otherwise it means at least two people (journo and editor) thought this was ok to publish. It’s just so shockingly insulting that I find it hard to believe this is legit.

    • It might have been cute if women weren’t subjected to this form of insidious casual sexism every. single. day. Tennis players are asked to twirl on court. Human rights lawyers are asked what they are wearing when headed off to trial. It goes on.

  2. It was just so rude. The woman was a gosh darn neuro scientist and best selling author for Chrissake. She’s expected to look like Miranda Kerr as well? Meanwhile I hope Dadabs will play Monty Pythons The Galaxy Song at my funeral.

    So remember, when you’re feeling very small and insecure
    How amazingly unlikely is your birth
    And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space
    ‘Cause there’s bother all down here on Earth

  3. Fuckers. I posted about this on Facebook and of course the males are defending it. I’m told it’s OK to “be honest”. Seriously. Maybe when Rupert passes on we can write: Ugly cantankerous arsehole. Had some media holdings but whatever.

    Wonder if anyone would be horrified at that? OF COURSE they would. We would hear people bellowing across the hills and valleys of the nation. But it’s not going to happen. Because people don’t write about men like that. They don’t refer to their appearance at all in the OB let alone in the leading paragraph.

    (this is really mummyflyingsolo, I just can’t be bothered switching IDs. lol)

  4. I have no words. Since when do we publicly print such a fucked up orbituary for a respected & notable person. If it was meant to be sarcastic then it should have been done around friends & family who would have understood it’s context a little better.
    Sometimes stupid is the worst thing you can be, or do.

  5. I really hope this is an “in joke” because surely our society can’t have reached a point where a journalist out there wrote this thinking it was a great piece to publish… surely not! She was a freaking Neurophysiologist for fucks sake!!
    Your obituary on the other had should be kept on the record! 🙂

  6. Laughed out loud at your own obit of course! Funny, funny woman.

    On to the serious stuff though, WTF kind of obituary was that for Colleen McCullough? Who the hell cares about her looks when she is a writer and a neurophysiologist? But I guess that doesn’t matter because she’s a woman. No wonder I don’t read that particular newspaper.

    • I had a slightly higher opinion of that publication before reading this. I could understand if it was the Daily Mail or the Daily Telegraph or whichever one has the page 3 girls. But the Australian? I’m old enough to remember the days when it was a respected newspaper.

    • I’m still reeling. Imagine living such a full, intellectually satisfying and creatively fulfilling life, only to have your sum total of your life’s work reduced to the first line of an obit that points out your weight and your less than stunning good looks. Wrongsville.

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