I’m seeing lots of Christmas posts around the traps at the moment.
Craft ideas, recipes, gingerbread house blueprints, DIY tips and tricks. And lots of bloggers reflecting back on the year that was, with lists of their most meaningful moments from 2014, things they are grateful for or things they have learned.
If you hadn’t already noticed, I am a total failure as a mummy-blogger so I tend to do things a little bit differently around here.
My Christmas baking attempts – for example – always end up looking something like this, which the boys and I whipped up the other day.
It comes as no surprise that the Hugzilla Christmas wrap-up will take on a decidedly different hue, as we step into those trusty teflon undies and take a cheery stroll down memory lane to reminisce about…
… the “People That Hugzilla Blog Pissed Off in 2014”.
But before we start, I need to clear something up.
Cards on the table here: I never deliberately set out to offend. Hugzilla blog isn’t about intentionally pissing people off or targeting individuals in a mean-spirited way (unless you are Mark Latham), and I certainly take no glee in the fact that people have become upset by some of the things that I write.
I like to think that most of the people who visit this blog understand that I have my tongue firmly placed in cheek, and get where I am coming from. But I’ve also seen the result of sending this material out into the world, and I am not naïve enough to believe that everyone will receive it in the spirit with which it is intended. In fact, the list I am about to present is living proof of that unfortunate truth.
I have learnt one thing this year.
No matter how banal the subject matter. No matter how inoffensive the topic.
There will ALWAYS be someone who takes offence.
And it gets me down. It gets me down that no matter what I write, I always seem to piss someone off. And sometimes it gets me down so much that I don’t even want to write this blog anymore, because it’s exhausting; dealing with the negativity and bracing myself for the next onslaught of crap from people who don’t get the joke and having to defend myself against people who take themselves and the trivial shit in their lives far too seriously.
It kind of sucks, because I sort of hoped we all be in on the joke together.
Now THAT was naive.
PEOPLE THAT HUGZILLA BLOG PISSED OFF IN 2014
My silly little piece on Thermomix as a viral epidemic went viral, pissing off thousands of Thermo-nerds around the country and kick-starting an internet shitstorm that saw countless people viciously arguing with each other over a kitchen appliance.
I also managed to piss off the entire team at Thermomix Australia, who outplayed me with the genius PR strategy of responding to my outreach with the amiable promise of a loaner machine that never materialised, followed by a complete communication embargo. It was the perfect neutralisation strategy. Well played, Thermomix.
It certainly prevented this drunken tweet from ever happening:
Read about it here: The Thermomix Virus: How to Protect Yourself
Offspring (TV series) Fans
If I thought that the teeming hordes of Thermo-nerds were scary fanatics, they had nothing on fans of the television series Offspring.
My clearly tongue-in-cheek “Idiot’s Guide” to the TV series was thrown to the bored and no doubt drunken masses of Mamamia one Saturday night, where I was promptly torn several new assholes, called every variation of the word “stupid” you could possibly imagine and threated with actual physical violence.
Read about it here: The Idiot’s Guide to Offspring: By Someone Who Has Never Watched It
Every time I post on the subject of feminism I manage to upset my fair share of misogynists, some of whom feel moved to comment negatively on my blog. I didn’t save any of their comments, suffice to say that they weren’t very nice.
Read about it here: Hugzilla Blog Top 10 Sexist Toys for Girls: 2014 Edition
My sexist toys guide also seemed to upset one particular gentleman, who dedicated a 17 minute You Tube rant to reading through and systematically “debunking” every point I made in my blog post, with a hilarious rebuttal that combines every cliché about gender you could possibly imagine, lots of pop-psychology nonsense and zero-comprehension of satire.
Highlights of this epic act of mansplaining are his repeated use of the exasperated phrase “LISTEN LADY!”, and when he repeatedly calls me a moron. Shit, I’ve been called that a LOT this year.
It also attracted some nice comments.
I published a guest post over at Woogsworld that compared dance concerts (unfavourably) with dental surgery, which got a whole lot of sequinned undies in a twist. Turns out, people take dance concerts as seriously as Thermomixes and certain Australian soap operas, and I’m pretty sure that I’m banned from attending next year’s performance. I guess there’s always a silver lining.
Read about it here: Are Children’s Concerts More Painful than Dental Surgery?
This is probably the perfect time to thank all the supporters of this blog and send big squishy panda love to those of you who take the time to read and/or comment on the nonsense I come up with on a regular basis. I seem to have more haters than I do lovers, so I appreciate every single one of you. Every single nice comment, every single share, every single moment of Facebook banter; none of them go unnoticed.
If I did hugz I would hug you all, but you know… My bum bag gets in the way and things get awkward and shit.
Oh, what the hell… It’s Christmas and I’ve had three Coronas.