Markzilla: Mark Latham as Mummy Blogger

Mark Latham was at it again today.

And this time, it was personal. He took a swipe at mummy bloggers.

I’ve thought long and hard about the best way to summarise the article – entitled “Mum bloggers show dark side of feminist parenting” – and have come to the painstaking conclusion that it is impossible for anyone to understand it without passing a shitload of peyote around and spending several weeks in marathon sessions of hallucinogenic stupor somewhere in the middle of the Nevada Desert.

Mark Latham’s columns have mind-altering properties the likes of which have not been not seen since LSD was first synthesised back in 1938.

They make less sense than a bad acid trip and are a hundred times more terrifying.

Example: You get up in the morning and go to the toilet: for the Greens, that’s an act of politics.

Example: I’ve always thought the manufacturer puts something in the Barbies to empower her and weaken me – like kryptonite on Superdad.

Example: Left-feminism is breeding a generation of shirtless, tone-deaf, overweight, pizza-eating dummies.

I mean, with writing chops like that I think Mark is selling himself short. He’d make a great mummy blogger. According to Mark, most mummy bloggers are “youngish, hip and self-absorbed”,  so we’ll have to make an exception on his behalf but lucky for him us mummy bloggers are also a very welcoming and supportive bunch of people, despite the fact that we are self-absorbed lefty-feminist assholes who are deliberately warping our children’s minds and mentally castrating every man we meet.

It’s how we roll.

Anyway, let’s give Markzilla a warm welcome to the blogosphere…

Screen Shot 2014-12-09 at 7.44.01 pm

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Screen Shot 2014-12-09 at 7.48.03 pmHi, I’m Mark! I am a stay-at-home “Superdad” from south-west Sydney.

I love pottering around my native garden, “preserving time for love”, making sanctimonious statements about the anti-depressant quality of my children, cooking gourmet meals (not pizza!), and publishing barely-coherent click-bait rants in respectable news publications. I love making sweeping generalisations that have no basis in fact. And – like all good mummy bloggers – I also love chocolate and wine.

On the other hand: I hate nutty left-feminists and progressive political parties. I hate when people “pop pills” to avoid the responsibilities of adulthood. And logic. I really hate logic.

I hope you enjoy my blog.

****

I mean, you get the drift.

On Markzilla blog you can expect lots of recipes for gourmet meals, instagram photos of native flower arrangements and snarky posts speculating about the feminist leanings of canteen mums who have children with suspiciously gender-neutral names like Taylor and Alex.

Welcome to the sinister hive-mind of mummy bloggerhood, Mark.

Now that you have been initiated, we can finally reveal our big secret:

Left-feminism wants your hearts, your souls, your minds, your jobs and your manhood. We want to warp the minds of your children and burn all of your patriarchal structures to the ground and bomb the colour pink from the face of the earth. We want to let our armpit hair run wild and free and we want equal rights for hairy muff. We want Julia Gillard back in office and Oprah back on daytime television. We want “CEO Barbie” and “Receptionist Ken”. And yes, you’re damn right we want to eat pizza every fucking night. What is your beef with pizza, anyway?

Oh, and because you clearly seem to struggle with the concept of sarcasm, all of that was sarcasm.

Here’s a pro-tip for you: There’s no left-feminist mummy-blogger conspiracy.

It does not exist.

Pass the peyote, please.

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48 thoughts on “Markzilla: Mark Latham as Mummy Blogger

  1. HAHAHAHA. I’m just bitter that he makes money for his ridiculous ‘mummy blog’ style rantings. How does he do that?? He must be really good.
    (that was sarcasm – the last part).

  2. Love it! I always giggle when people call bloggers self absorbed. It’s like well duh…we’ve created a website dedicated to our thoughts, of course we have a bit of self absorbed thinking. It’s just not the scary beast everyone makes it out to be. It’s like when someone says to me that mental illness is all in my head. Well someone hand them a medal for being captain obvious!

  3. I’ve sat here leaning over my kitchen bench for the last 5 minutes trying to get a witty cohesive comment together (it’s past 8pm here so it’s all tools down in my brain) but it’s not happening.
    So instead I say, that was The Bomb! Yep capital T capital B & exclamation mark worthy.

  4. Bahahaha SNAP! I love this!!! He blows my mind. He’s like a car crash you can’t look away from. The only reason I can cope with it is that I don’t know anyone who listens to him, so I’m pretty sure his bile ridden ramblings are being taken seriously by anyone…. I hope….

    • I was SO not gonna write on this issue again but it kept niggling at me last night, so I gave myself permission to sit down and see if there was anything there. I’m even more pissed off with Latham because I had otherwise given myself the evening off from work and I had a date-night with Matthew McConaughey lined up (aka watching the DVD of “10 Ways to Lose A Guy” I just bought because I have a thing for him after watching True Detective). Not happy, Mark.

  5. I would pay to see Receptionist Ken!! I’m focusing on the funny parts of your posts and not on the deeper issue that the media is giving a voice to this brainless, misogynistic loser because it is controlled by similar bigoted,priveliged white men who would secretly LOVE to say all the things Mark says except they’re frightened their wives will clean them out in the ensuing divorce. Because if I focused on all THAT shit I might go mad!

    Great post BTW xx

  6. Your darn straight I want receptionist Ken and pizza every night Waahoo. I’d love to hear Mark Latham’s take on my Mummy blogging rambles. He might be particularly interested in the pieces about the Rosetta Spacecraft, the Higgs Boson and nuclear fusion.

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