Introduction to the Thermomix Virus
In 2014, the Thermomix virus infected an estimated 48 000 people in Australia, with an average cost to the community of $2000 per person. That’s an average of $220 000 per day, or $152 per minute.
The Thermomix virus is a foodborne illness that seems to predominantly target females of the human species. Symptoms include excessive spending on kitchen appliances, feverish obsession with discussing Thermomix, and a near-compulsive desire to assemble and infect other host vectors via Thermomix parties. The source of infection is at its most virulent in built-up residential areas, and those most vulnerable appear to be from middle and upper socioeconomic groups.
There is no known treatment, vaccination or cure. Non-infected persons are strongly advised to avoid all contact with the known-infected, and are especially urged to avoid any Thermomix gatherings. The official health warning can be found here.
Infectious Disease Case Study: Patient X
Prior to exposure, Patient X appeared to exhibit normal health, with no other pre-existing or underlying medical conditions. Patient X is of average build, height and weight and has above-average fitness, as evidenced by regular instances of recorded exercise.
By all accounts – prior to her exposure to Thermomix – Patient X was a fit and healthy individual; a well-respected school teacher with very strong ties to the community.
Such is the virulence of this disease that within 24 hours of contact with a Thermomix party, Patient X went from being completely asymptomatic to showing immediate signs of severe infection. Progress of the disease from the moment of initial contagion is swift.
Here is some of the qualitative data we collected for this case study, which clearly illustrates the rapid decline of infected persons. It has been collated from an eyewitness account recorded during a field interview:
“She used to post funny memes about drinking wine, pictures of her new chicken coop and funny videos of her toddler (on Facebook). You know, the stuff that mums usually post.
But OMG, now ALL she does is post links to Thermomix recipes, and posts requests for Thermomix recipes from other Thermomix users, and posts pictures of her Thermomix, and posts pictures of things she has cooked in her Thermomix.
I try to reply with recipes that use a frying pan, and it’s like I DON’T EVEN EXIST.
It’s like she went to this party and the very next day she came down with Thermo-fever straight away! It was all she could think about. All she could talk about. She was all like ‘I HAVE to get a Thermomix! You won’t BELIEVE what these things can do!’ Over and over again. I miss her so much.”
A small selection of screen-capped evidence from the social media account of Patient X, which strongly corroborates the testimonial we received from our eyewitness.
“Before and After” photos of Patient X. The “before” photograph was taken prior to exposure at the Thermomix party. The “after” photograph was taken 24 hours after Patient X entered phase II of the virus, which commences from possession of Thermomix. Note the striking contrast in appearance and demeanour.
Conclusion and Subsequent Research
Whilst the case study of Patient X has yielded some incredibly valuable data, there are still many questions yet to be answered about this elusive virus; particularly with regards to the specific mechanics of Thermomix parties as a conduit for the infection.
After much debate and consultation, the pre-eminent researcher Professor Hugzilla PhD has decided to risk personal exposure to the virus by going out into the field to collect further data from known hot-spots. In October and November 2014, Professor Hugzilla has committed to attendance at not just one, but two Thermomix parties. The research resulting from such an undertaking is invaluable to our understanding of this mysterious virus, and we wish our colleague well. She will present her findings shortly after attendance.
Do you have any questions for Professor Hugzilla?
Please add them in the comments.
Hugzilla PhD promises to answer ALL your
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