I just received an uncannily timed email from Lisa at Random Acts of Zen informing me that I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award, which is the blogging equivalent of the People’s Choice award at the Logies, if every network were able to nominate every single one of their on-screen presenters and the entire telecast was devoted to a lengthy procession of back-slapping network personalities handing each other awards and getting drunk with Karl Stefanovic.
So, essentially, it’s a nice way for us to clink glasses and say “Hey bloggers, we cool”.
The timing was uncanny because I’m nursing a wicked case of writer’s block and have been sweating over a new post for almost a week, with zero result. You have the lovely Lisa to thank for dodging the bullet of my “Creative Constipation” post, which was essentially me riffing on an extended metaphor about actually being constipated, with lots of symbolic references to bowel movements and literary endeavour. It is just as scintillating as it sounds. Thankfully you don’t have to read it now.
1. What was your favourite subject at school?
Maths. I loved the discipline and lack of ambiguity in maths. Your answer was wrong or right. No bullshitting your way around it. I respected that.
Strangely enough, I was never really taken by English, despite being a writer and someone who was always a keen reader. I was a bit of a turd though. One of my English teachers told the entire class that I had verbal diarrhoea. I also had a really weird maths teacher in high school. He would make this big performance of reading out everyone’s exam score at the front of the room, would editorialise about your individual result in a sardonic way as you walked up to collect your paper and then seated you in order from best to worst. I actually quite liked his class, as much as it terrified me. Public humiliation is a great motivator for me, turns out.
2. How easily do you wake up when your alarm goes off?
A friend of mine posted something on Facebook recently about her alarm clock and I did a double take. Alarm clock? Shit, I remember needing one of those. I haven’t needed one in almost five years. I get woken up by a Lego battleship being smashed into my left temple, or being smothered with a large teddy bear or being kicked in the face by a onesie-clad foot or by my two year old launching himself physically at me, shouting “Yo – GOO! Yo – GOO!”, which is his catch-all phrase for yoghurt, food and the colour yellow. It means he wants breakfast. All of this happens somewhere between 5 and 5:30am every morning. They have no snooze button.
3. You could never miss a single episode of which TV show?
I binge watch my favourite shows on DVD. The Sopranos, The Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Absolutely Fabulous, Sex and the City, Girls, Breaking Bad, The Office. I also have box sets of Beverly Hills 90210 and the original Degrassi High. I make no apologies for that. I’m mostly drawn to comedies and gritty drama.
4. What’s your go-to dish when you’re asked to bring a plate?
Friends of mine actually request that I DON’T bring a plate. When I get invited to parties by people who are totally non-cognisant of my lack of ability in the kitchen, I literally freeze in terror and overcompensate by purchasing $80 worth of gourmet snacks from the supermarket instead, breezing in arms-laden with shopping bags and breathless apologies that “I just ran out of time”.
This is a verbatim transcript of an online conversation which happened yesterday.
Hugzilla: Oh shit, do I have to bake?
Friend 1: It would be more appreciated if you didn’t Hugzilla.
Friend 2: Bahahaha, no, Melissa, you most certainly do not have to bake!
Friend 3: Friend 2 is bringing two things to make up for it.
Friend 1: Then I don’t have to slip it under my chair to the dog.
So yeah, I don’t really have a go-to dish which blows everyone away.
5. If you could be a character from a favourite book from your childhood, who would you be?
A cross between girl-detective Trixie Belden, sassy proto-feminist Jo March from Little Women and The Naughtiest Girl in School.
6. You’re exploring a scenic beachside village. Would you prefer to do it on foot or by bike?
By foot. I love running.
7. The reality TV show that you would absolutely blitz, would be what?
None of them. I hate being in the spotlight and would never audition for one because I am chronically camera shy. It would probably surprise people to know that I hate being the centre of attention, so I fail all-round at being an attention-seeking whore.
8. Do you prefer your Summer or Winter wardrobe?
I prefer summer as a season but prefer a winter as a wardrobe because it is much more forgiving of my post-baby body. Or so I tell myself. I put together an outfit about as well as I put together edible food in the kitchen, so I’m no fashion plate. Ironically, I’m really good at interiors though, so I could probably be quite good at styling myself if I ever thought to care. I hate clothes shopping like I imagine I would hate herpes, so I doubt I ever will. So many hypotheticals here.
9. What’s your favourite way to relax?
I don’t relax. My kids are two and four and I am a freelancer and blogger who works from home after they are in bed at night. I relax when I sleep. I look forward to relaxing one day. I seem to remember enjoying it.
10. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Somewhere near the beach in an architecturally-designed mid-century house. I don’t know where, exactly, but it would be somewhere in Australia.
I’m gonna nominate the following blogs for Liebster Awards, answering the same set of questions I did here because I’m interested to compare notes. Guys, feel free to ignore them if you’ve already picked up your award and are doing Tequila Slammers with Karl in the carpark.