The Thermomix Epidemic: How To Protect Yourself

NOTE: Just a quick comment to say that I have done a small edit on this post. Those who may have seen an earlier version would have noticed that I used the term “Thermie Tourettes” and I was quite rightly called out on it. I have a son with a disability myself, so I should have been more sensitive and if I ever thought anyone was even in the slightest way mocking him I’d go all Tiger-Mom on their asses. Consider myself slapped on both cheeks, and the appropriate changes have been made. Apologies for being an insensitive jerk. 

Over the last twelve months there has been a global outbreak of a devastating virus, an outbreak which is now reaching epidemic proportions. It’s called Thermomix, and it’s coming to a kitchen near you.

Please read the following fact sheet carefully, so that you can protect yourself and your loved ones from this threat.

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What is the Thermomix Virus?

Thermomix meets the clinical criteria for a virus: they are non-living, infective organisms that cannot reproduce without a host. The host typically assembles groups of potential agents and holds them captive for several hours, feeding them mushroom risotto and fresh custard while the virus spreads to new hosts. These hosts will then go on to infect others in a systematic and thoroughly organised manner

Once established, Thermomix takes over the host’s functions, cooking all its meals from scratch and rendering the host redundant; all the while continuing to reproduce itself. Contagion is rapid and widespread. Thermomix attacks the digestive system with targeted food vectors and – though we are still unsure of the exact mechanism – attacks the parts of the brain involved with rational decision-making and impulse control.

Researchers are unable to make a close study of Thermomix, and so much about this virus remains shrouded in secrecy to the uninfected. We have limited information about what Thermomix actually does, and at this stage there is no way of collecting the relevant data without exposure to “Thermomix Parties”, with the subsequent risk of infection. Infected persons are notorious for their secrecy and their refusal to disclose basic information about Thermomix outside of these host parties.

Symptoms of the Thermomix Virus

1.  Loss of financial inhibition; a propensity for reckless spending on fad appliances

2.  An uncontrollable urge to talk about their fad appliances; the clinical term for this is Thermie Verbal Diarrhoea”.

3.  Manic social activity; affected persons exert significant amounts of energy assembling groups of potential agents to facilitate the spread of the virus

4.  Promiscuous behaviour, often with random strangers; affected persons engage in reckless and compulsive recipe-swapping behaviours

Prevention and Treatment of the Thermomix Virus

There is no known vaccination or cure for Thermomix. The current advice is to avoid all known sources of infection and to steer clear of so-called “Thermomix Parties”. If you think you may have been exposed to the Thermomix virus it is vital you contact your bank to take immediate steps to disable your credit cards and place all available funds in lock-down. A prophylactic course of hard liquor is also advised.

If you know anyone who has Thermomix, the current advice is to stay away from them until the virus has run its natural course and dies out. This may take years. Be prepared to lose friends and family to this insidious disease.

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.

Do you know anyone who is obsessed with their Thermomix? Feel free to ‘fess up if it’s you!

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93 thoughts on “The Thermomix Epidemic: How To Protect Yourself

  1. I love this!
    I would love a darn Thermomix. I really would. Owning one seems to put you in a social club doesn’t it? I am hanging back for about twenty years. By then, every Australian home will contain one and you will be able to purchase them at Kmart on sale for $99. Wishful thinking?
    A very funny post!

    • LOL, thanks Jody! Definitely not part of the club here, but I probably should be because I am literally the worst cook ever. I don’t think my ego could cope living with an appliance that makes a better parent than I do.

    • I’m a thermonerd. I use mine most days, and am listening as it makes seafood marinara for my dinner.

      You can say it’s a fad appliance, but what I don’t own is a SodaStream, pie maker, pizza maker yada yada yada. I have the best blender I have ever owned.

      So… Big fat raspberry to the writer of this article, for want of a better word.

      • That would be me! Thanks for stopping by and thanks for leaving your comment, even if it is a raspberry 🙂 I hope it was prepared in your Thermomix. Cheers 🙂

  2. This is a great post! Alas I am not a part of this exclusive club either. I’ve been tempted a few times, but when I tell my husband how much a ‘thermie’ costs he almost passes out.. I’m with Jody, I will continue to live with the hope they one day will be sold at K-mart!

  3. Hilarious! I love my thermomix but you are so right. It’s like a cult! And even though I adore it and use it all the time I still feel slightly ill when I remember how much it cost.

    • It’s funny you mention that because the original working title for this post was Thermomix: Virus, Cult or Pyramid Scheme. I obviously went with the virus angle, but I’m pretty sure I could have riffed on this for days. I find it really fascinating!

  4. Hahaha…too witty! I don’t have a ‘thermomix’ per se but I have recently purchased a soup cooker and blender (all in one!) that I’m rather excited about. Tragic really…

    • BAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA! I have to admit, I do get a bit “squeeeeeeeee!” when I see all the pretty coloured retro-inspired appliances but then I slap myself because I know they would just sit there looking pretty and collecting dust.

  5. A funny post! I’m in the club! Yes us Thermie owners love to chat about what we cook and swap recipes! I couldn’t live without it! 🙂

    • You know what? There’s even a tiny little part of me that feels like I’m missing out on something! Like I’m not in the cool club, and it’s all a big awesome secret and I don’t get it. LOL.

  6. Great article…I suffer from the virus and now that my daughter lives with me we are a 2 Thermie family! Best investment EVA!!!

    • BAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA! I totally get this. I reckon it would be the worst $2000 I ever spent. I would live the rest of my life still eating food that is utter crap and fantasising about what I could have done with that money.

  7. Alas I also belong to the “club”… It’s only a recent addition but my what a corker it is…I love it as much as I’m intimidated by it..

  8. I kind of like the thermomix evangelicalism. I don’t cook but I kind of enjoy the mad positivity that converts exude…

  9. Lol, I don’t need to avoid it – my financial status ensures I’ll never catch it! I fear if I had one it’d die a sad and lonely death in the back of a kitchen cupboard just like the bread maker, slow cooker and food processor did. Clearly Im not the right person for this gadget (or maybe my lack of desire to cook makes me the perfect fit?).

    I love the term thermie tourettes!!

    • Thanks Toni! I am finding the number of comments from people who aren’t in their element in the kitchen very validating, because it makes me feel less useless and alone. LOL. I mean, I could afford one I guess, but I’d rather by a piece of nice Eames furniture or something.

  10. I bought mine because I am a crap cook and felt bad that my kids had to eat my food. My husband was a little unsure about it at first but now he loves it and the kids are glad I used last years tax return to buy it:)

    • Yes, I feel for my poor kids too! God bless them, they are troopers, but I can’t help feeling that they are being short-changed in the meal department. I’m no Masterchef contestant, that’s for sure. Glad that the Thermie helped solve your kitchen problem. If someone could guarantee my two year old would eat anything I cooked in it I would rush out and buy one tomorrow!

  11. I’m counting the days until delivery of my Thermie – already named ‘Ernie’. I fully get what you’re saying. I did do months & months of research, comparisons to the cheaper brands and saved, saved & saved. So I may be infected by the virus, but it was a long incubation period!!!!

    • LOL, once it gets a hold it’s pretty powerful stuff 🙂 I love that you’ve named him – Ernie was my favourite ever Sesame Street character so naturally, I think that is a very cool name!

  12. You’re a cracker! I haven’t got one, too expensive for me and not sure I need something to make me even less lazier in the kitchen than I already am! Em – visiting as part of #teamIBOT (but you know I’d come anyway)

  13. LOL. We have been recently afflicted with the Thermovirus. Must say over the last couple of weeks I have baked cakes and biscuits. Made it to 45 having never baked before!!! There is definately a virus going on in our house 😛

  14. I am so glad I have come across your blog. What a classic of a post. Will be sharing this, I know a few people who will get a kick out of it!!
    I do not and will never have this affliction. 2k is a hell of a lot of cocktails and massages when I go on holidays!!

    • Bahahahhahaha! I will be right there beside you with those cocktails! *pulls up deckchair* Two Mojitos, thanks. My shout! And thanks for sharing. Much obliged 🙂

  15. I got the virus about 4 years ago and only a selected few had it sooooo happy with the epademic – I don’t feel so alone now feel I have support and don’t feel I’m speaking an unknown laguage – love my thermo can’t live with out it and love the fact that I have an appliance with my family name on it Vorwerks make all things great – you only have to look at me and my 2 sister unfortunately only 2 of us have the virus

    • Yeah, it’s quite amazing how much they have taken off. I’ve seen so many blogs and FB groups around where people are able to share tips and swap recipes. It must be cool to have so many people who share your passion 🙂

  16. I got invited to a Thermomix party last year and really wanted to go and see what all the fuss is about but I was busy. They do sound very pricey and I am sceptical of them being just as wonderful as everybody says …

    • Yes, I am secretly dying for one of my friends to invite me to one but I think they know I’m not really a party-plan person, and especially not after this! I am soooooo curious too!

  17. I just bought one and seriously, I must be the only person on the planet that really dislikes it. I have gone from being an excellent home cook to a terrible one. Save your $$$$$ I wish I did, it was 3rd of a family cruise!

  18. Yep another person who has a Thermomix (even bought a second bowl & blade) and I already owned a Vitamix. And I use both… Go figure. Love love love it. Also LOVE your article!! I know heaps of thermomix people and none do the cultish behaviour I hear about – & all use their machines a lot. $2k is loads to spend but well worth it if you use it. But seriously, speeding that much int he kitchen means you do have to expect people to poke fun & you have to laugh at it. My brother in law gave me so much grief about how he would never ever ever eve con side the possibility. Then…he had custard. In minutes. With no standing and stirring at all. With no lumps. Perfect. Most expensive custard ever… That was all it took – he’s a goner!!!

  19. I have no desire to own a Thermomix which I thought possibly made me the craziest person in Australia. I’m so glad I’m not.
    For the record I also don’t own a rice cooker, a bread maker or a food processor. I’m considering also getting rid of the stove and purchasing a cauldron, and going totally old school. Then I know I’ll be ok when the zombie apocalypse hits. 😉

    • Mmmmm, using me as the baseline for the “not-craziest person in Australia” may be the fatal flaw in that argument…LOL. Your talk of cauldrons and zombie apocalyse is intriguing though. You win the award for “Best Non-Sequitur in a Comments Thread”.

      • Bellini itis here too…. I contracted it from my local target store. It doesn’t render you incapable of finically managing money because it’s only $400 when not on sale.

        I have wanted to host a few parties for my ‘ Bella’ …..you’re welcome to come…. (Coughs on hand and holds it out for a hearty handshake)

  20. I think even if I had a thermomix I would still suck at cooking. There really is no helping some people 😉

  21. Wish I has or but mostly because I am holding out for the promise of cooking salvation. I want it to make me want to cook! In the meantime no deal in the dad household lol deb xx

    • You know what I’ve never actually seen one either. Maybe it’s like the worlds biggest episode of Punk’d and Ashton Kutcher is hovering around in the bushes somewhere. Surely that’s it.

  22. Hilarious, I absolutely loved this. They’re crafty the thermomix consultants. Because if you go to a party, then you will want one, and if you don’t buy it then and there, you most likely will down the track!! And guess what I don’t even use mine all that much, I quite like baking by hand, grilling and sautéing in my pans (don’t tell my husband!!)

    • LOL, thanks! It’s funny you say that because they seem to have a very high rate of conversion at those demos, which is kind of what led to this post. It’s a running joke in my mother’s group that every one of them who goes to one of these parties comes home having bought one, even if they were totally not interested to begin with!

  23. I’m a Thermoluddite. I’ve never heard of, let alone seen one of these infective pathogens. Perhaps they have not yet crossed continents, or more likely, a strong immune system due to ownership of a sturdy Kenwood chef from an early age has prevented our people from succumbing…… Africa please contain your Ebola, Australia please contain your Thermothingy. We Brits need neither. Thank you.

    • LOL. Well, here’s the thing Julie. I think I recall one of the earlier commenters here saying that this thing has been circling Europe for years before making it here, so frankly, we should be the ones blaming you! You can keep them, along with Simon Cowell, chavvies and Black Pudding. We will keep Jon Snow, however.

  24. I think I am immune to the thermomix bug because I can’t contemplate spending $2K on an appliance and am more than happy to take a bit of extra time to chop, mix, cook etc. for the sake of saving that money for something else!

  25. Reblogged this on Drizzle of Life and commented:
    Have you been infected?

    Apparently there is a plague of epic proportions… And I too have succumb to the illness.

    Check it out for a good laugh

    https://hugzillablog.wordpress.com/2014/08/12/the-thermomix-epidemic-how-to-protect-yourself/

    How would you rate your thermomix (or similar affliction) on a scale of 1-10?

    I’d say I’m about a 8/10. I love it, I get great use out of it, it saves me time and gives me freedom in the kitchen. I still use my slow cooker and the BBQ.
    But that’s ok with me.

    When I first bought my thermomix I felt the pressure to use it at every meal, everyday. But now I’m ok with not needing to do that, I see it as another appliance or goods that is a long term investment. So for me I know I will get good value from my thermomix.

    They aren’t for everyone, which is cool too.

    How do you rate your thermomix infection on a scale of 1-10? Mild cold like symtpoms? Full blown flu?

  26. TOO FUNNY!!! I actually really want one, but of course I do. I’ve been infected with the virus after eating the fruit only gelato that was served to me by the host! AHHHHH! I have to share this on the PKM wall, and with the Thermomix hosts and whores.

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