Appetite for Domestos: Weirdest Pregnancy Cravings Of All Time

Most women crave choc-chip cookies, mushy peas, ice cream, pickles or any number of other bizarre food combinations during their pregnancies. I am not most women.

I craved Windex, fresh carpet and dishwasher tablets.

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Before we go any further I just want to clarify that all of this is actually true. People who read my blog often mistake instances of outlandish truth for utter bollocks, and I just want to reassure you that I am not being sarcastic. I did actually crave Windex, the same way I do actually wear a bum bag and I do manage to explode every single cake I ever bake. I don’t make this stuff up. This is my actual life. If I was going to make stuff up I’d make myself look a lot more awesome than this.

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Anyhoo…

A lot of women view their pregnancies as some kind of mystical testament to the miracle of nature, but I just saw it as 42 long weeks of nature taking-the-piss in the worst possible way. Heartburn, uncontrollable flatulence, minimal bladder capacity, chronic constipation, fat ankles, all-day-sickness, stabby vag and debilitating leg cramps are just a few delightful side effects of pregnancy that spring to mind.

All of those things are about as much fun as a Brazilian wax followed by a pubic mound chemical peel but for me, the biggest act of nature taking the piss was this insatiable craving for bizarre non-food items, most of which could be found in the cleaning aisle at Coles.

I had a voracious appetite. An Appetite for Domestos.

appetite domestos

My first pregnancy was awesome. I craved caramel sundaes and cheese Twisties and Magnum Gold ice-creams and put on only 13kg throughout the entire gestation. My second pregnancy I craved a whole bunch of non-food items that would have killed me if I’d eaten them, and put on 25kg. Go figure.

This isn’t just me being an uber-weirdo, this is actually a thing and it’s called pica. Pregnant women who crave non-edible substances. Nature taking the piss. People who have pica crave (and sometimes consume) things like ice chips, dirt, laundry soap, hair, matches, sponges and carpet. It’s not definitively known why some women experience pica during their pregnancies, but nutritional deficiencies are one of the suspected causes.

So, that was me. The Pica Pregzilla.

I was the creepy pregnant lady in the corner at Carpet Court, panting over sample books of fresh carpet and sucking in that delicious cocktail of volatile organic compounds, much like Dennis Hopper sucked on that tank of nitrous in “Blue Velvet”.

I was the weird preggo wrestling with the insane desire to pluck the Finish powerball out of the dishwashing tablet and eat it, every time I used the dishwasher. That little ball tugging at hazy memories of days past, its cute little red nose reminiscent of a Bubble-O-Bill ice-cream.

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I was the crazy gestator who spent less time decorating the nursery and more time huffing on the paint tins instead. I wanted to drink the stuff. I wanted to dip my oversized mug and guzzle Dulux quarter-strength “Hogs Bristle” by the gallon.

I wanted to scull bottles of Spray ‘n’ Wipe. I wanted to gnaw on permanent markers. I wanted to consume every aromatic chemical substance I encountered, and it all seems so utterly insane as I write this. Because it was.

Pica. Nature’s supreme act of pregnancy piss-taking.

Anyone else get the urge to chow down on chux wipes or cleaning products during their pregnancy? What cravings did you experience, food or otherwise?

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25 thoughts on “Appetite for Domestos: Weirdest Pregnancy Cravings Of All Time

  1. I thought I was strange because by baby number five I was so mineral depleted I’d stand in the garden hosing all day to get that wet soil smell. I’d fight off an irresistible urge to strip off naked and roll around in the mud I’d created. But you’re just weird! :))

    • Mmmmm, yes. You might be right…. LOL to hosing the garden all day and wanting to roll around naked in mud. When you strip away all the culture and sophistication, we are still at heart such primitive creatures. We’re one weird species.

  2. Firstly, you wear a bum bag? Bahaha.
    Secondly, yes!
    When I was pregnant with my second I loved the smell of dust, hubby’s work shed, petrol, and hand santitiser. And wood smoke. Anything with a strong, chemically, eat-me-and-you-will-die smell. My work mates teased me relentlessly!

    • Oh thank god!! Someone else who has experienced this! Petrol was unspeakably yummy to me as well. Thanks for briefly making me feel like less of a freak…. Errr, except for the bumbag thing. LOL.

    • Yes, pregnancy and babies are the gift that keeps on giving! Luckily we are past the sleep deprivation side of things here. They start making up for all that eventually. Any day now…. LOL.

  3. Isn’t there a tv show called My Strange Addiction or something? I’m sure I was channel surfing one night and saw someone eating dishcloths. Or toilet paper. Or similar. Perhaps they had pica issues?! 😉

  4. Oh man, that must have been awful struggling with those bizarre cravings. I just craved all the salty things with my first two and caramel milkshakes with my third. I’m glad my breeding days are over after reading this. Helllooo menopause in a few years. Wonder what weird shit awaits with that….

  5. Haha, love this! I’m with you that pregnancy isn’t the ‘lovely, natural and magical’ experience many people CLAIM it to be (I personally think they are lying!!). I never had any strange cravings during my pregnancies, I was always a big fan of chicken nuggets, and they just HAD to be from Macca’s or there would be trouble!

    • LOL, I honestly think that Maccas would go spiralling into bankruptcy if women stopped getting pregnant en-masse! Mmmmm, nuggets with sweet chilli sauce… Now you’re talking…

  6. Wow, well that’s the first time I’ve heard of those cravings? Did you ever find out why you may have craved them specifically? My cravings were oranges…nothing crazy although next time I hope for a bit of a more outlandish craving!

    • Not specifically, but a lot of things I have read since suggest that iron deficiency is a big suspected cause, and I know that I am very prone to that in general. I was on iron supplements for both my pregnancies as well, because I tested anaemic. There is definitely something in that I think.

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