Pinterest kind of irks me. It’s full of all those delectable-looking meals and sophisticated craft activities and twee inspirational quotes and all those annoying lolly jar-buffet party spreads. God, I am so over those things.
We get it. Everything matches, your cakes don’t explode and your life is perfect. Woo. Even your aspirations are more lofty than mine.
Inspired by my disdain for Pinterest and the “picture-perfect” aspirational culture it represents, I’ve come up with my own version of the popular bookmarking site. An anti-Pinterest for losers and slackers and under-achievers and can’t-be-bothereds. For real people, like me, whose cakes explode and whose Play-Doh creations look like flaccid penises and their kid’s birthday parties look like a Coles mud cake and Smith’s crisps on plastic plates.
I’ve decided to call it “Binterest”, a name inspired by the depressing domestic truth that the majority of my lovingly-prepared meals seem to end up in the bin because:
a) they are inedible
b) they are edible but my kids refuse to eat them
c) they are edible but bland and uninviting
d) they are edible but resemble nothing of the original recipe in taste, texture and appearance
Every night in my house is like an episode of My Kitchen Rules, with my own little Manu and Pete to make me painfully aware of all my shortcomings and failures. A sample review on any given night goes something like this (all quotes are verbatim):
Mr 4: (grimaces) My tummy says this tastes like dog poo.
My two year old, on the other hand, gives rather more succint feedback.
Mr 2: (throws plate on floor) YUCK!
The only time I EVER got a rave review was the time I dished this shit up to them.
My four year old literally jumped out of his chair and shouted “WOW! THIS IS THE BEST FOOD I EVER TASTED!!!” as he did an exuberant little victory dance around the dining table, just in case I was struggling with any ambiguity.
Exclusive to Hugzilla blog, Binterest is a fun new way to track your (my) domestic failures and share them with your (my) social networks for the purposes of public humiliation. It’s primarily at this stage a way to help you keep track of all the recipes my kids won’t eat, but I am sure it will expand to include craft activities that should be avoided at all costs and OTT party ideas that will make you look like a try-hard douche at school pick up and a way for you to curate your own bespoke selection of processed foods with the best anti-scurvy properties.
And now for the FAQs.
You use a lot of big words Zilla, but what on earth does this all even mean?
The TL; DR version of this post is as follows: each week I will try a NEW RECIPE in the vain hope I can get my kids to actually eat something I cook, instead of eyeing me suspiciously every time I place a plate of food in front of them. Once a week I will “Bin” the results here on this blog, in a similar manner to the example below.
Binterest: Bin it, Don’t Pin It!