More Advice For New Parents: The Shit You Need to Know

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If you are feeling a sense of de ja vu, yes, I have done a similar version of this post before. This promotion keeps showing up in my newsfeed and if there were such a thing I’d lodge a cyber-restraining order against the digital marketing manager of Johnson’s Baby Australia to stop the daily onslaught of spam. Through sheer, repetitive volume these “Suggested Posts” have now transgressed into the realm of auto-suggestion and I keep having recurring, hallucinogenic dreams about baby oil and talcum powder and no-more-tears shampoo. On the upside, my backside has never been smoother or more fragrant.

I have to admit that it is a pretty good marketing campaign. It solicits tiny little snippets of advice from the collective mind of mums around the country, gifted to new mothers and mums-to-be in the form of a digital patchwork. This glorious document contains everything that a new mother might need to know about this crazy-making business we call parenthood. Some of the advice is sublime, most of it regurgitates a rich vein of trite, useless cliche and some of it is simply down right dubious.

I couldn’t help but be inspired.

Warning: There is a big ol’ f-bomb in one of these. I really do try to abstain but I’m simply not good enough to avoid them completely.

ORIGINAL VERSION                                                 ZILLA VERSION

 

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If you missed the first part, make sure you read Real Advice for New Parents: The Shit You Need to Know.

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