So Johnson’s Baby Australia are running a cutesy little promotion on their Facebook page, which I was lucky enough to stumble across in my newsfeed despite the fact that all my friends stubbornly persist with posting their own petty nonsense about moving house, Instagram pics of their snotty brats, pseudo-fancy food they’ve eaten, lame dick jokes and other assorted non-advertising related material.
The promotion in question is designed for mums to share their own words of wisdom to create a patchwork quilt of comforting advice and support for new mums. For starters, my words of wisdom would be printed on a nicotine patch instead of a fabric one, because my kids make me want to take up smoking again every single goddamn day, but, I digress. I read the thread and quite frankly, it was filled with the kind of empty, forcibly cheery platitudes I found utterly useless as a first time mum with a new baby.
“Every second is precious”.
“Happy mum, happy bub”.
“Don’t forget about YOU!!!”
I swear to god, if I hadn’t seen these babies come out of my vagina with my own two eyes I would swear blind that I was born without ovaries and a uterus. I think I’ve missed some crucial female chromosome or something because these women all just seem to speak a foreign tongue to me, none of it any use. I like gritty reality, I like straight talking. I think we do each other a significant disservice as women and mothers not to share the ugly truths with each other more freely and more often without all the bullshit sugar-coating.
Now, this is the kind of stuff I wish that someone had said to me. Stuff I didn’t know. Stuff I needed to know.
Check out the sequel to this post: More advice for new parents