So I (rather stupidly) promised another elaborate cake for my husband’s 40th birthday, right here in this blog.
As long as I have known him (13 loooooong years) it feels like he has been asking for a chicken schnitzel cake for his birthday, every year. Yes, a chicken schnitzel cake. This is on his bucket list, I’m sure. It may not be number one but I can guarantee you it is somewhere in the top ten, and it speaks to the essence of the man that a cake made out of meat is so important to him.
So I have a kilo of chicken breast, a couple of varieties of cheese and some tomato sauce. I feel like I’ve ascended the pinnacle of the traditional baking summit with the rainbow hornless-unicorn cake and now it’s time to push the boundaries. It’s what visionaries do.
This is huge, a genuine world first, exclusive here on Hugzilla. Google “chicken schnitzel cake” and you get nothing. Nada. No one has ever done this before and I am not sure why because it is an epicurean delight beyond compare.
One of the key ingredients in the chicken schnitzel cake is those no-name, plasticky cheese slices that we really should be lobbying food regulators to have re-labelled more accurately as “petroleum by-product food substitute”. My kids won’t even eat them. I serve this shit up to them and they are eyeballing me with suspicion like I just handed them a box of RatSak with a spoon in it. But, my husband loves them on his white bread and devon sandwiches *chokes back vomit* and it would be remiss of me not to include them.
I carefully layer golden brown pieces of chicken schnitzel with slivers of synthetic cheese slices and top the whole thing with grated tasty cheese, which I bake until the surface of the cake is slick with yellowy, viscous cheese goo. Upon the golden cheese icing I carefully pipe the number “40” in tomato sauce, and so we have the world’s first chicken schnitzel birthday cake.
Feeling pretty shit hot right now.