Zilla’s Famous Chicken Schnitzel Cake: A Genuine Internet First!

Screen Shot 2014-08-22 at 7.04.20 pmSo I (rather stupidly) promised another elaborate cake for my husband’s 40th birthday, right here in this blog.

As long as I have known him (13 loooooong years) it feels like he has been asking for a chicken schnitzel cake for his birthday, every year. Yes, a chicken schnitzel cake. This is on his bucket list, I’m sure. It may not be number one but I can guarantee you it is somewhere in the top ten, and it speaks to the essence of the man that a cake made out of meat is so important to him.

So I have a kilo of chicken breast, a couple of varieties of cheese and some tomato sauce. I feel like I’ve ascended the pinnacle of the traditional baking summit with the rainbow hornless-unicorn cake and now it’s time to push the boundaries. It’s what visionaries do.

This is huge, a genuine world first, exclusive here on Hugzilla. Google “chicken schnitzel cake” and you get nothing. Nada. No one has ever done this before and I am not sure why because it is an epicurean delight beyond compare.

One of the key ingredients in the chicken schnitzel cake is those no-name, plasticky cheese slices that we really should be lobbying food regulators to have re-labelled more accurately as “petroleum by-product food substitute”. My kids won’t even eat them. I serve this shit up to them and they are eyeballing me with suspicion like I just handed them a box of RatSak with a spoon in it. But, my husband loves them on his white bread and devon sandwiches *chokes back vomit* and it would be remiss of me not to include them.

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I carefully layer golden brown pieces of chicken schnitzel with slivers of synthetic cheese slices and top the whole thing with grated tasty cheese, which I bake until the surface of the cake is slick with yellowy, viscous cheese goo. Upon the golden cheese icing I carefully pipe the number “40” in tomato sauce, and so we have the world’s first chicken schnitzel birthday cake.

Feeling pretty shit hot right now.

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25 thoughts on “Zilla’s Famous Chicken Schnitzel Cake: A Genuine Internet First!

  1. Pingback: What does a man REALLY love?! Hint: It’s not you. | clean up in aisle three

  2. The words magnificent and delicious drip effortlessly from my drooling lips. You are are not a, but the culinary goddess of the highest order and are fully deserving of whatever honours the cosmos may grant you .

    I know what I’m making the family for dinner later this week!!!!

    • This one seems to connect especially well with men. I think I’ll have to link the Rainbow Layer version of this cake in next week’s Laugh Link. It’s the sequel to this cake, but even more outlandish. LOL.

  3. Pingback: Please Help! I’ve Just Committed Food Blogging Fraud! | Hugzilla

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